RSS Feed
Email
Twitter
Suffering Always Reveals the Character of the Suffering
by Jason Grate, Worship Leader @ MBC Loudoun
On August 1, 2005, we lost our niece to a horrific accident. A box fan fell from the window and snuffed out our precious little girl. Words do not have the value needed in describing the magnitude of our grief. It was awful. There is no other word that can describe an event like that…awful.
I have often pondered since that moment and questioned Gods ultimate plan. It seemed so useless. Void. Obtuse. When you are placed in a situation as a follower of Jesus that really makes you question your faith, it is a scary place. What about all of his promises? What about his claims of protection and declarations of never leaving us or forsaking us? Where is the meaning in all of this?
3 days ago, 6 and a/half years after our precious Ava’s passing, I had an experience that will historically go down as one of the most proud moments of my 13 years and 9 months of being a father.
On Thanksgiving, my wife and children, Elijah (13) Emeliah (10) and Zeke (7) went to visit there Great Grandmother. Grandma Bloomer was the mother of my wife’s mother. She was a saint. One of the sharpest 90 year old women I have ever met. Always dressed to the 9′s, she always remembered everyone’s name and she always made us laugh with her humor and uncanny wit!
But most of all she was a fervent follower of Jesus Christ.
Two days after Holly and my children saw her, she went into hospice. It was a shock to us all. Especially after she was so sharp just a few days before. My beautiful wife called me at work and said, “things are going downhill for Grandma Bloomer. It looks like it will be very soon….”
3 days ago I jumped into bed and snuggled up to my wife and fell fast asleep. At 3 am I heard our two dogs barking and I was sure that they needed to be let out to go do their business. When I opened the door to let them go, they bolted across the field and chased deer for close to an hour. So here I am, wearing a winter coat, Ohio State pajamas and moon boots, screaming “Shadow! Sadie!”. Finally they returned covered in manure and deer brains. Yeah, bitterness is not a word I would use to describe my anger…
When I went inside, I was wide awake. I laid down on the couch and watched ESPN discredit Tim Tebow for 2 hours and then I turned off the TV at 6 and crawled into bed with my oldest, Elijah. As I was drifting off to sleep I heard Holly’s phone ring at 6:15 am…and I knew…
She made her way upstairs sniffling and weeping. The door opened to Elijah’s room and I said ,”hey baby, did Grandma pass away?”. She fell into my arms sobbing and I just held her. A few minutes later Elijah awoke and rolled between us and wrapped his arms around her. Next was Zeke. He burst through the door and jumped on Holly and just hugged the life out of her. And then Emmy walked in and joined the mourning with her arms around us both. My children didn’t say much. They didn’t quote verses or offer cliché’ bible promises. They just loved on they’re mom. With the exception of one comment from Zeke. “I hate it when people in my family die! It sucks!” (like father like son)
As all 5 of us laid there in one giant mourning clump, a revelation hit me. My children have suffered. They know how to respond when things go bad. As angering as Ava’s death was, even still today, lessons have been learned. My children have been tested, in the fiery furnace of affliction, and they are better because of it.
When Ava passed I often wondered about Gods love and purpose. But as life progresses, His plan and goodness are being revealed more and more everyday. And most of the time, it is through suffering. And let’s be honest, does anything else really get our attention?
As Christmas quickly approaches, let us remember that Christ was born to die. And it was through His suffering that he became acquainted with OUR suffering and became not only our Savior, but our friend…
Have a blessed and thankful Christmas…
Hi Jason,
I just wanted to let you know that the article you wrote really spoke to me. I have been going through hard times with a lot of new decisions to make and all throughout these 2 years there has been a lot of tests and suffering along the way. I often questioned too many things….i thought that maybe i was being punished for bad decisions that I had made in the past.
I am 23 years old and a lot of people laugh when I tell them my age because they think that my problems are nothing compared to the “real world” …in which many say that it hasnt hit me yet.
All I can say is that our intimate relationship with God comes through our willingness not through age. I was born and raised in El Salvador by an american dad and a bolivian mom. Unfortunately life for our family was not easy….My parents fought a lot and we were always around all of it. Screaming and yelling….it was very painful for my sisters and I. My dad was really blessed financially, but with that he traveled a lot so i know it caused problems between him and my mom….My dad also had a lot of drinking problems in which made the fights a lot worse.
Through it all… I kept believing in God knowing that he could turn things around and we could all be a happy family again….but it didnt turn out that way. When we got the news that they were getting a divorce my heart burst.
Never did I experience so many emotions at once. I went to my room and once again fell asleep crying not wanting to see anyone…. as my mom left the house she got very depressed. It turns out that dad had a GF and that was one of the main reasons of the divorce. I dont blame either of my parents for anything… but all I remember is that I became very dissapointed and angry with God. I became very rebellious and turned my back on him. I was 13 and it was not an easy age for me… but God was always by my side. As I look back now he protected me from so many things and people.
I went to college and as I was about to graduate I felt him reaching out to me again. I was still hurt… but with his love the suffering now felt different…I though the suffering would be over but i realized that there was more to come and I just needed to be strong and courageous…
I lived in CA for about 5 years…had a high paying job… had an apartment in a really nice area….had a lot of friends… and had a 5 year relationship with a BF that loved me…..but it didnt matter to me anymore because i wanted to do his will.
Soon enough he started putting in my heart the passion that I had when I was little… Acting and making videos….little did i know that it was my calling
As I seeked the lord with all my heart He gave me the name: God & i productions….I believed in everything I was writing in my computer…all the ideas and business plan because they were from the bottom of God’s heart.
The big trial came when I knew that God was telling me to leave everything I had constructed and come back home (VA)…. As painful as it was.. i changed my life got rid of everything…and the most painful thing of all… i said goodbye to the relationship that I had depended on and cherished so much……driving away i knew i was doing the right thing… but it was pain like no other…. i was walking away from everything i had worked so hard for….. but i did it!…. i drove with my mom from CA to VA with a full car…and it was such a liberating experience…..as I was driving each mile that was going by i felt stronger and stronger…
After a year and a half i can say that God has done a lot of refinement in my life…was able to travel for a while and he showed me a lot of things that i needed to work on….
now that i am back here I am moving with the projects that I had for God & i productions… and i realized something….
We all had a God & i story……and I know that God is using my story to start His production company and along with that I know that the suffering has made me feel so weak that at times i couldnt even pray…i didnt know what else to say…. there was no explanation to what i was going through..because in the natural world there isnt any…. but it was a personal dealing that God was working in me…
Now I am happy to say that i can start seeing the reapings of what we planted together/// and even though its been a year and a half… i can truly say that it feels like 15 years to me!
So I wanted to thank you for posting your story… I can also relate with the suffering that all of God’s children need to go through….
Take care!
Erika
That is just amazing! You really encouraged and blessed me with this response!
You should get involved with our Crux Ministry that meets on Wednesday nights!
Email me!
Jasongrate@gmail.com
Blessings,
Jason Grate
Worship Leader
MBC LOUDOUN CAMPUS